batmansphoenix | IC Contact

I kidnapped Oracle. I-- she got hurt because of me.

[ he'll absolutely understand if this makes jason punch him immediately in the face. it's what he deserves for losing control of that situation.

but what he's not going to do is establish any kind of truce or tentative partnership with someone who is going to freak the fuck out the moment they hear about everything he's done. if all a jokerized batman has to say is "by the way, did he tell you what he did to barbara gordon?" to faze someone in battle, then they've already lost. ]

[That gets him a hard look because fuck you, Evil Twin. Babs is the one thing you're not supposed to touch. He does ball his hands into fists, but doesn't actually make any movements to attack him.]

Feel any guilt about that? You know she didn't deserve it.

[ gosh it's like they're the same person since that just makes jay's hands clench into fists in response. ]

It wasn't supposed to happen the way it did. You said you wanted to hear my side, not just Batman's.

[He doesn't deflate, but he does look slightly less tense as he bites his inner cheek. Okay, fair enough.]

Tell me your side of the story then.

[ ok. ok. now he actually has to talk about it. he can do this, it's fine, the worst that will happen is his own alternate self will hate him and turn on him and iT'S FINE

he has to take a minute to get started, resisting the urge to give into his anxiety tics like pacing or yanking at his hair to ground himself. talking about the joker earlier had already gotten him riled up.

abruptly, ]

I knew shit was going to hit the fan when I came back. The city was supposed to be evacuated of civilians but she didn't go. I thought-- it was stupid, but I thought maybe Gordon would just send some blues to escort her out no matter how much she yelled. I thought maybe B would order her to go.

I had to go get her myself. Crane was too interested in who I was, what my grudge against Batman was, he kept pressing. She was supposed to be kept out of the way as a high value hostage, to hold over Batman and the GCPD, but every time I turned around he was looking at her. I gave orders that no one was allowed in the room with her except me and I found him in there with her. And she-- she threw herself out of a fucking moving car to get away from me, caused the car to wreck and killed the driver, and the men wanted revenge for it. I had to make them more afraid of me than pissed at her.

[ none of the batfamily gives a shit about this part, where crane had started to pick up on his anxieties and play to them, inquiring oh so gently about his plans for batman and his allies where the militia could hear. it had never been his fucking idea to expose barbara to fear toxin. ]

[Jason just... slowly nods. It's not that he agrees, and there's a ton of things he would have done differently. And who'd ever think that Babs ever listens to Bruce when he tells her to stay out anyway? That plan was obviously going to backfire eventually. But he can see that Twin didn't actually want to hurt Barbara, that wasn't his end goal. And it's not like he hasn't fucked up himself.

He hurt most of the family just to keep on being Batman. And unlike Twin, his end goal was to hurt them. Who's he to judge?]

What happened to her after that? Is she ok in your world?

She's fine. Back with him, safe and sound.

[ he doesn't sound bitter about that at all. ]

It got out of control. [ no, that's a cop-out, and he forces himself to admit it. ] I let things get out of control. Crane used fear toxin to make B think she'd killed herself in front of him, but she was the trump card to control Gordon. When that didn't work... he tied her to her wheelchair and pushed her off the roof.

[ now he sounds furious, his voice thick with hate and frustration and a definite amount of self-loathing. ]

I wasn't there. Crane took over the militia, my militia, told them I was unstable and set them to hunt me. I was trying to get to her past tanks and soldiers and drones that I'd brought in myself, in patrol patterns I came up with to stop the Bat.

He saved her.

[Jason reaches to pinch the bridge of his nose with a loud sigh. He fucked up, but it seems like Twin is aware of that so he's not going to press it. The fact that he put Babs in such a risk still leaves a bad taste in his mouth but it's not like he is any better. He's not going to pretend he hasn't done worse, and willingly.]

I'm still on your side.

[ flat, ]

Why? Nobody else is.

Someone should be.

[He shrugs. He really doesn't know how to explain it. He doesn't care to explain it. All he knows is that he looks at Twin and sees himself.] And you might not be me, but it's close enough that I want to have your back.

Yeah? Are you sure you're not still looking for a Robin?

[That makes him grin.] Not a Robin, no.

But a partner? Maybe.

[ a-ah. somehow he wasn't expecting hearing the words out loud to cause the twinge they do. his partner is batman and he'll never take another one-- or so he'd told himself. ]

Your last partner got you killed.

[Oh, fuck you Twin. Jason doesn't glare, but it's a very close thing and his eyes turn a more dangerous shade of green.]

The Joker got me killed. I never, ever blamed B for that.

I do. My point is, I'm not going to trust myself with someone that hasn't earned it. You shouldn't either.

[He opens his mouth... then closes it. Fair enough, that's a good point. He's always been far too eager to get a partner- he didn't even know Sasha for that long. Or Onyx, or even Mia.]

Ok then, Twinsie. You're on.

Then-- tell me more about you. I don't want your dirty little secrets blindsiding me either.

Well...

[He starts lifting fingers as he mentions things.] I nearly killed Tim.. 3 times? I think 3 times. I tried to kill Bruce when I was younger and out of the pits but realized it wouldn't make me happy. Hurt Dick pretty badly, too. Stabbed Damian- if you don't know who he is ask someone else, I'm not going to go there. But you should probably know he's 10. I convinced a girl with a disfigured face that I was her only friend just so I could have my own Robin. I kidnapped another girl to convince her to be my partner and burned off her school when she said no. I control the drug trade in Gotham, mostly to keep it away from kids and the wrong neighborhoods.

Any specific questions? I can go on.

[ lmao jesus twin. he twitches at the admission that he'd attacked a ten year old, jesus christ. ]

Did-- does any of that help? Does any of that make this-- [ he claws his fingers over his chest, over his heart, meaning the roiling ball of rage and self-loathing and guilt that he carries around every day. ]

--go away?

No.

[The answer comes fast, with no hesitation. He shrugs.] The only thing that would make my anger go away doesn't depend on me. It depends on him.

But it does get better, with time.

[ it's not a surprising answer, but it's not what he wants to hear, either. his mouth flattens in unhappiness. waiting on bruce for anything sounds like a shitty way to pass his time.

a tad harshly, ]

Why don't you just leave? Fuck Gotham, fuck him. Get rich somewhere. Visit every bar in Brazil.

[ but he's asking it for himself, too. ]

You know why.

[Yeah, he's not playing this game. They can't leave Bruce Wayne, they can't leave Batman and most of all they can't leave Gotham. It's part of who they are, tied to their very own sense of being. Or at least, he thinks, it's that way for him.]

I tried. Always come back in the end.

[ his expression twists, and he grabs jason's shoulders. ]

You're older than me. You're years past the point where you come back to Gotham and confront him. Why can't we get better? Why does everything have to be about him?

[He finds it interesting how Jay is way more prone to showing his emotions. Probably because while Jason was being trained to hide them all, he was being kept somewhere by the Joker. They might be alike, but their experiences traumatized them in very different ways.

So while Jay's expressions twists, Jason's turns into immovable stony resolve.]

Don't you think it's obvious you're barking to the wrong tree for that particular question?

[ he didn't start as young, either, and all that time he'd spent training himself and building the militia hadn't really encouraged him to keep his temper in check. ]

Who else am I supposed to ask? Who the hell else would understand?

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