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"Dick decided to stop by while I was giving him one of his birthday presents," Clark says blithely as he goes to grab a couple of glasses for milk. Pour one, pour two.

"Otherwise, eventful and enjoyable, but relatively quiet."

He puts one of the milk glasses over for Jason to take.

Jason goes 'oh' out loud. Then '...Oh.'. Then a final 'oh' that sounds more like a groan because what the heck, Clark. He totally did that on purpose, he knew Jason would figure out what he was talking about. He actually doesn't mind the mental image that much, he's good at pushing them away anyway and it's not like he's surprised Bruce has sex. But if Clark wants to embarrass him he feels like he owes the guy that much.

“I'll make sure not to drop by unannounced on your birthday, then.”

"Thankfully, that only happens once every four years," Clark continued without much worry for any damage his words may have done. Payback is payback, and now it's done. He won't torture him.

"None of the newer arrivals are giving you trouble, I should hope?"

Jason shrugs.

"No more than usual." Definitely not talking to Clark of all people about Dick, or Tim, or Twin. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," and the answer is immediate but even to a Bat-trained listener, clearly genuine. "Ask away."

He scratches his newly shaved chin, looking for the right words. Clark's a writer so he knows those are important.

"Dick's here. And it's... brought up some memories, some feelings that I thought I had buried. I don't like who I am when Dick's around. I don't like the jealous mess I become. You look like you're always in control of this kind of ugly emotions, so.

How do you do it?"

He nods, because he'd certainly seen Dick, though they hadn't had any contact since that awful conversation. But he can certainly understand why Jason would have issues with Dick. How he could be jealous. Dick and Bruce had a very specific, very special sort of bond and to someone looking at it without the kind of confidence in himself or their own relationship...

"Why does Dick make you jealous?"

And he holds up a finger.

"I want you to take a little time and really think about what bothers you about Dick, what about that person you are when he's around you really don't like. Part of control is knowing, intimately, what you're aiming to control. You can't grab the reigns of a horse if you can't see them."

Jason opens his mouth, then closes it when Clark prompts him to think about it. Why does Dick make him jealous? Well...

“Because Bruce always wanted me to be like him.” That one's the easy answer, the most obvious reply. “I was never good enough, never as good as him. And it's not just Bruce. Dick has...” He shakes his head, biting his lower lip. Getting the words out isn't exactly easy when you've avoided the topic for most of your life. “Dick has a light. Dick has something everyone likes. I don't. I'm a black hole that sucks up everything and spits it out in the most convenient way for me.

I guess I think it's not fair that his life gets to be sunshine and rainbows.”

"And you think watching his whole family die in front of him was sunshine and rainbows?"

The line could have been dismissive, sassy, even outright snarky. Clark wasn't immune to snark. But it wasn't. Instead, it was an invitation. An invitation to a slightly different perspective.

"Bruce was never harder on you because you weren't as good as Dick," he says with authority. This isn't something he feels or he thinks. This is something he believers down to his bones and it's clear enough on his face. "And he never wanted you to be Dick. Because the point of bringing you out was never about him. It was about you."

He puts out a hand, turns it upward.

"You honestly think Bruce Wayne, master strategist, couldn't do better than a kid he had to train personally to be his partner? You think he ever wanted a partner for his sake?"

He points at himself.

"He barely let me work with him. He doesn't like to work with people."

He turns the hand.

"But he does when they need him. When he sees what he saw in Dick, in you, in Cassandra even. Because his first responsibility, whether he admits it or not, is to sad, scared, kids who don't see a road in front of them. Because he's got the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known, Diana included, but some part of him is always going to be right there, right in that alley, lost."

He breathes in a little, then out.

"So other than Bruce, all you've got is a chocolate to marzipan situation, as far as I can tell."

"I held the woman I thought was my biological mother as she died of an overdose. It took hours. That was a year after my father was shot. My biological mother betrayed me to the joker. But, sure-" He stops himself, just sighing as he reaches for another cookie. He hasn't even gotten into how he literally heard Bruce tell Dick that he'd trained Jason just because he missed Grayson. Sure, Jason hadn't been meant to hear it but it didn't sting any less.

His tone isn't even cold, or cutting. It's just resigned and oh so very tired. Because of all the people he went to ask for advice it had to be the man who'd helped Dick with his homework, the man who was currently sleeping with Bruce Wayne. Clark could try his best not to be biased, but even he has his limits.

"I'll be okay. Just wanted a new perspective."

Edited (adding something) 2016-03-01 18:10 (UTC)

He sighs just a little.

"I can't give you a fresh perspective if you zoom in on the old one immediately." He tips his head to one side.

"I offered you a different perspective on why Bruce does what he does, removed the relationship between you and Dick and even the relationship between you and Bruce and Dick, from the context of a contest. Instead" he takes a bite of cookie, "you honed in on the very first thing I said, which I only said in the hopes of reminding you that you've both suffered, and made it a contest. Which tells you, and me, what we needed to know."

He finishes his cookie.

"You won't like who you are around Dick until you take your blinders off and stop thinking of everything to do with him as a competition. Because those blinders also refuse to let you see your own value and talents."

He holds up both hands, palms raised.

"Ask a fish and a monkey to climb a tree and the fish is going to be out of luck. Put a fish and a monkey in the middle of the ocean and tell them to reach land and the monkey is going to drown. You're different people with different skills and different talents. And the only one who wants you to be Dick is your own fears."

Another cookie.

"But what do I know."

What does he know, indeed. God, he's so tired.

"It's not just about Bruce. I've seen the glass case in his cave, I know he likes-" The drama I bring to the table, he thinks. The opportunity to wallow without anyone calling him out on it. The excuse to be an ass. He thinks of those are true, but he also knows better than to say them out loud. "... he likes the memory of me, I know he took his time training me for a reason."

He reaches for another cookie, simply to do something with his hands. He doesn't even eat it yet. "But it's like everyone's living in the woods and I'm the only fish around. And I'm so tired of struggling to breathe."

"That's what I was getting to with the chocolate and the marzipan," he said, and his voice was gentle again. He'd initially tried to keep himself calm and even keeled entirely when they talked, but he'd learned that no reaction seemed to get read as 'you don't care' even though that equation made no sense to his own manners and upbringing. East coasters. What can you do with them?

"Lots of people like chocolate. Marzipan, on the other hand... well, it's an acquired taste. But from what I've seen, the people who love marzipan? They really love marzipan. It's special. It's theirs. It's a rare delight that only they enjoy."

He takes another cookie.

"Or, to move out of food metaphors: Dick is like me and you're more like Bruce." He takes a bite.

Jason doesn't quite wince, but he does stare in disbelief at Clark because- really? 'Acquired taste' is supposed to make him feel better? Thing is, he's never worried about being... liked. Not the way Dick is, he doesn't need that kind of attention. Dick was the showman, Jason was something entirely different. But by this point his sense of insecurity when compared to Dick is so rooted inside of him it's like tied to his sense of identity and he doesn't know how to stop.

And then Clark compares him to Bruce, and both of his eyebrows shot up in surprise. He opens his mouth, maybe to say something, but closes it back quickly.

“I... don't think I want to be chocolate.” He shakes his head, looking down at the floor because this is getting pretty ridiculous. “But it gets tiring, sometimes, when people complain you're not as sweet. I didn't mean to... rant like this.”

During the 'staring' period, Clark, an admitted marzipan man himself, stares right back. Once Jason seems to get it, he relaxes back.

"Chocolate's not always fun. There's... almost a responsibility, when you have a reputation for friendliness. And there are times when it's the last thing you want to do. So I get not wanting to be chocolate. And I can sympathize if not empathize with people complaining about your demeanor."

His smile is companionable, though.

"But you're welcome to rant. If I had a problem with it, I'd say something."

"Would you, though?"

It's not said in a belligerent or angry tone. It's very clearly simple curiosity. It's been something that's been bugging Jason since day one about Clark and asking Bruce didn't get him any satisfactory answers.

"You look like you're walking through life, like nothing I say bothers you. You let me smash a beer in your house and didn't bat an eye. Would you tell me, if it did?"

"I would," he says, easily enough. "But I'll admit, it would take a lot to bother me. I'll also admit I don't like saying so. Mostly because I feel like you're testing me half the time, Jason.

"It's not a nice feeling. But I try to put it into context."

He looks away, reaching to scratch his arm in a nervous gesture.

"I am." He admits, not exactly shamelessly but there is only residual guilt in it. There's also no surprise: it's not like he was being subtle and he knows Clark's smarter than people would give him credit for when they first see his bumbling reporter act. "I like getting a reaction out of people. The hardest to get the better. Comes with being un-chocolate-y I guess."

The smile is genuine, though. And genuine in it's warmth.

"That's what I mean by context. It's not really about me, so... it bothers me less than it could, I guess." He considered it for a moment longer before he continued.

"I also figure it's a difference in upbringing. East Coast values versus Midwestern. Part of manners where I'm from is keeping an even keel. You assume I don't react, I don't care. Whereas I was raised that spending your energy to keep your peace is how you show someone respect and care."

He spreads his hands.

"Different cultures."

Jason shrugs, because in the end there's really nothing either of them can do to fix that upbringing. Jason does his best not to test Clark, or at least not as much as he used to. But he'll always feel that pang of worry that he doesn't give a damn, just like Clark will find Jason's behavior... aggressive.

To-may-to, to-mah-to.

"I guess. Bruce said it means a lot, that you're risking a lot by talking to me. Because I could make you angry."

He considers that for a moment, not really agreeing or disagreeing as he takes another nibble from the cookie in his hand. Then, he shrugs.

"I can't say it's easy all the time. But it's something I want to do. And every relationship comes with risks, emotional or otherwise."

He runs a hand through his hair.

"I wouldn't put it like Bruce did. Because whatever risk I'm taking is not something that you should have to worry about. Definitely not something you should feel responsible for."

"I don't."

Abrasive? Maybe. But he's never been one to hide the truth because it's hurtful. And the truth is that if Clark puts himself in front of Jason knowing he will get angry then that's on Clark, not him. Jason isn't going to change who he is because he rubs him the wrong way.

(And he wonders why people prefer Dick...)

"But I can't say I get it either. If I don't like someone then I don't talk to them."

He looks genuinely puzzled at that.

"What gave you the idea that I don't like you?"

Jason looks surprised in return.

“You just called me 'acquired taste'?”

"And you thought I was insulting you?"

He still looks confused.

"An acquired taste is just something that just takes more time, more effort, to appreciate. Not something less. It's more special."

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