batmansphoenix | IC Contact

[ If he could melt into Jason's side any more then he does at the small caress, only tensing a little when he resigns himself to the wealth of video backlogged on the network that will give the other man his answer even if Loki evades the question now. Sliding his phone out, he flicks to pictures in sequence of himself and a red/pink/purple-haired woman (the colours change as time goes on) sporting arm-sleeve tattoos and thick glasses. ]

Verity Willis. She's a good person.

[ As if the snapshot selfies don't tell that story; Loki napping on a couch and Verity pulling faces behind him, two thumbs up over a cooked meal ostensibly made together, endless shots of this and that ... and the last one of a genuine hug where Verity is laughing and Loki's grin is wider than usual, nose buried in her hair.

He doesn't mean to sigh nasally as if a huffing teenager but it can't be helped. ]

Before she left Eudio we had a huge fight. My fault.

[Jason makes a mental note to be very careful with the pictures he allows Loki to take. Mostly because he's avoided having a picture of his face online for years, he's not going to start now. The woman looks fun, though- even if she reminds him a lot of Babs. He will definitely search the network for every mention of her name, no way around that. But at least he'll feel slightly guilty about it for Loki's sake.]

You look close. She an Asgardian too?

[Leaving it open for Loki to discuss as much as he wants. He's not going to force him to talk about the fight.]

No, she's a regular person. She's amazing though, you don't ... I can't really explain the scope of what she's done for me.

[ Which is why he slumps where he is, very much planted in the curl of Jason's arm like he might have turned into one of the golems he issued to Kamala's school. It's hard for him to hold eye-contact. ]

I used to be a really awful person, most of what I did is public knowledge on the Earth I know. Really heinous, violent ... crimes. Verity chose not to care and gave me a chance to prove I was no longer that person, she never looked at me like she was afraid of more than me hurting myself. I would disappear for weeks and she would be so upset, I couldn't understand why she cared what might have happened.

[ Smiling wanly, he hums a short-lived laugh. ]

I've been trying to be better for a long time, but she really made me feel like I already was. When my family drove me out, she was already in my apartment trying to put everything my brother had broken back together.

[ 'Heinous violent crimes' doesn't really phase him. Unless Loki begins getting into specifics all he can do is assume he's not done much worse than Jason himself has done. He's killed, tortured, starved people to death. He's hurt people he should consider family. He left Tim to die, and stabbed a 10 year old kid when he was so full of grief even memories of that time get blurry. But Jason gets a weird feeling in his stomach as Loki keeps on talking.

He's not the sentimental type. He knows he's done wrong and worst of all? He feels no regret about it because someone has to play the big bad wolf in here and it might as well be him. He doesn't need someone to believe in him, not the way Loki seems to crave. But he still wonders how his life would have turned out if he had had someone like this woman by his side. Probably the same. There will always be scum he has to get rid of.

He closes his eyes, resting his cheek on Loki's hair.]

Can't you go say hi? Tell her you're sorry, if you say the fight was completely your fault. Or tell her what you just told me. I'm not an expert in lover's quarrels so, you know, do whatever you want but it's really obvious you miss her.

[ A simple nuzzle is returned. ]

She's not here, she left to go home. I'm ... not sure if I should go back there, not anymore.

I thought sleipnir could 'travel through dimensions'. And you're free to go home any time you want.

[A slight squeeze. This place would get boring without Loki, but he accepts that's going to happen sooner or later.]

It's your life, I guess. But if she's as good as you're making her sound she deserves an apology when you go back, at least.

[ He could go into the complicated existential trauma of it, killing himself and then being terrified his older future-self will come back and destroy him, but what it comes down to with the ego-death looming and eight months of nothing after it as Verity said ... ]

I don't think I've got very long left to live if I go home.

[ So he'll stay here instead, wrapped in Jason's arm in the hay with Sleipnir warm at his back, hidden in the curve of his sometime-lover's neck. Loki never claimed to be brave. ]

[He purses his lips. Jason expects to die sooner than later, considering his line of job. As careful as he is he still jumps in front of bullets for a living. He couldn't say in prison for a single night without people trying to get rid of him. But expecting it and knowing with certainty are two different things.]

Why not use the incentive to change that?

I can't be around if there's another of me to come after, I kind of ... for lack of a better word and to not splurge on details, I reincarnate. After a sort. It's all part of being the God of Chaos, the change is necessary ... I just don't know why something that drastic would be, yet.

[ It doesn't look like Loki is happy with being Eudio-based forever, either. ]

[This is where a normal person might mention the similarities in their life. Jason didn't reincarnate, per se, but he did die and come back to life different. He wasn't the 15 year (and 3/4) kid that got beaten up with a crowbar.

But Jason has never been a normal person, so the words die in his throat and turn into a hum of interest instead.]

I'm trying to understand here. I should, because there are gods walking among men back at home too and you know I've seen my fare share of weird shit. But it's kinda hard to wrap my mind around it.

Does that mean you have to reincarnate after x years? Or is it random?

It's more an 'as and when needed' thing. I don't do it lightly.

[ With a head full of turbulent thoughts brewing, he leans back against Jason and sighs. A hand rubs Loki's face, flopping back to his lap. ]

But I'm never the same once I do. I have to be the best Loki I can while I'm around, for as long as possible. If I die then I need a damn good reason because I'll just come right back as someone else. The odds are not stacked in my favour.

Edited 2015-12-27 14:42 (UTC)

You look like a damn good Loki from where I'm standing.

[He feels like he's supposed to do something, but he isn't sure what. Dick was the one able to have entire conversations with his body, Jason uses his words as weapons at avoids touching everyone for as long as possible. And yet he's here, holding Loki close because he needs it. Kissing Loki's forehead feels too gentle, so he just... squeezes him gently, letting out a sigh.]

So as long as you're here you'll be you?

You'll know if I've changed. I'll either be nuts or ... well, likely just that. I've been known to age badly.

[ He returns the squeeze, twisting around to let Jason know he appreciates being listened to with a peck on the cheek. Not a big deal, just a nudge. ]

You're a good listener.

[He shrugs, trying to give him at least a grin. Trying being the key word. If he's a good listener it's because he's good at gathering information. Everything Loki says goes into his head in little labels to use later. He'd tell Loki, but he's pretty sure he has him all figured out.]

I changed, too. What I went through... some of the things they did to save me weren't- [He hesitates. But as long as he doesn't go into specifics it should be fine. Loki is smart, but he's not from his world. He'd be missing pieces from a very complicated puzzle.]

They used magic to save me. And magic comes with a price. They brought me back but- [He points at his temple with the hand that isn't around Loki.] not completely sane.

People who think they are sane, Jason, very often are not. You're just fine.

[ He twists around, decidedly not thinking about how he will have to make conscious efforts not to interfere with whatever magics brought Jason back, mended him, and reaches to pull him into an involved kiss that only escapes a hoof in their faces because Sleipnir is asleep.

It parts with a soft wet smack, pecked for good measure as Loki's fingers wind through Jason's hair. ]

You are everything I could hope for you to be, just like this. Unless you screw me over, [ he adds after a beat, snorting softly, ] but I'm placing my bets you won't.

[It feels like Loki's hand is reaching for his chest and squeezing as hard as he can. He figures the god would have a pretty strong grip if he felt like it. It's not just the words: Loki hasn't met him for that long, even if he likes him know there's time for that to change and Jason knows it's a matter of when and not how. But he finds himself wanting to believe him.

He returns the kiss, but doesn't clutch at him like he might want to. He tries to keep his hold gentle.]

I only look after myself first, Loki. I never lied about that. [He presses their foreheads together.] But I promise I'm more interested in screwing you.

[Haha get it.]

I don't want or expect to be your Forever After, this is okay. This is nice. Yeah?

[ A grin answers the tease of screwing, but instead of anything wilder he tucks himself back into the crook of a neck and casually drapes an arm around Jason's waist. They can stay in the warm stable for a while, it's safe here.

Safety is best savoured, after all. ]

[Jason considers his answer to that, just for a few seconds. He has an escape plan, he always has an escape plan. But he doesn't feel like bolting, and that's... well, pretty unusual. Emotional intimacy always puts him on edge, and he was also talking about his past- that's always a sure way to get him ready to go.

But while he doesn't exactly feel safe, he knows that he's not in danger right now. So, really, there's only one possible answer. He lets his head rest on the horse's side as his shoulders visible relax.] ...Yeah.

This is nice.

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